Another tall tale from the wine bar philosophy group at the Withered Grape,
reported by Ian McLaren

 

The king had time to muse – perhaps the six-egg omelette for supper hadn’t been such a good idea. He picked up a magazine, while he waited for something to happen, and his eye fell on an advertisement. “Be a modern manager”, it invited, “Learn how to talk to your staff and improve productivity”.

The guru came to the palace, in response to the imperial demand, and made his usual sales pitch. About two sentences in, the king exploded: “I’m the KING. I don’t consult people, I tell them what to do…” The rant was halted by the appearance of the queen. “Please don’t shout,” she whispered boomingly, “my mother has a headache.” And she stalked off.

The guru looked at the king quizzically. “All right, not the queen- or her mother.” He pondered for a while. “And the others don’t always take much notice.” He pondered for a while longer. “Yes, well, I suppose that I did invite you here to teach me about communicating.”

The instruction went well. The king learned to manage his time, his goals and his moods (to some extent). He learned how to listen, so that when he spoke, people would listen to him. He learned how ask questions that gave useful answers, and to finish some of the projects that he started so enthusiastically.

In the Kings Arms, the regulars were rather bemused. There had been no forced labour demands for weeks, so they were actually able to earn some money and pay their taxes. There had been no further insane regulations, posted on every door at night and retracted the following morning. The royal ground-nut scheme had been quietly wound up (fortunately, no-one had known where to buy the seeds), and the ostrich farm was being recycled as unusual Sunday lunches for the tourists. It was too calm.

Then suddenly, there was a huge shout from the castle, and a whirring noise as if a huge pheasant was overflying the village. The guru passed overhead, on his way to the border. “PAY!!! FEES!!! ME??? I WON’T STOMACH THAT. OUT!!!!!” The smiles returned. Not everything had changed.

Ian McLaren offers coaching, mentoring and training in business communication, finance and crisis resolution, but he does like to get paid. See www.e-coached.com

April 2007